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| This is the main building of my grad school |
So school happened. It’s weird to think I graduated a year ago. It feels like so long ago, but at the same time it feels like it just happened.
Amanda and I stayed at the hotel associated with school, and luckily I only had to work three days out of the ten. When Amanda was showing me the clothes she brought with her, I realized that I had clothes that matched almost everything she brought, so we were twins for a lot of residency. (Good thing my lazy ass hadn’t packed anything before she got here...)
The hotel was nice and air-conditioned, and the beds were cozy and soft. My mom had loaded us up with plenty of snacks, instant coffee, and instant oatmeal for the whole residency, and I was able to get away with only eating at the dining hall twice (the food is absolutely horrific there).
Having Amanda out here really helped. When she had to take an extended semester in the winter, I was bummed, and for selfish reasons - I didn’t want to wait another six months to see her. But obviously she didn’t do it to me, which I knew, but it turned out all for the better to have her here. I needed her, and I told her that. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had to be alone in the car with my thoughts for a half hour drive each way every day. She helped me see that I’m ok, I’ll be ok, and the fact that someone can’t give me the love I want and need doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of it and I don’t deserve it.
I decided to take a selfie every day while I was at school. Part of this was because I was dressed up most days, and it’s fun to show off cute clothes when I usually wear a uniform and pajamas. It was also to make myself feel better. I can look back on those pictures and know that I look good. Or good-ish.
I set my profile back up on Ok Cupid after the break-up, as per pretty much everyone’s advice. I also decided to get a Plenty of Fish account, just for the hell of it. Amanda helped me navigate that, too, since as a female I’m subjected to creeps coming out of the woodwork. There are some positive things that might come from those sites, too, but nothing is definite yet, so I’m keeping my mouth shut for now. It did help me feel a lot better about The Drummer, though. I’m still angry and hurt and confused, but it’s not a constant ache that makes it hard to breathe and function anymore.
I went to Amanda’s graduate lecture, and two other graduate lectures. When I first started, I was so intimidated by the graduating students, and how much more they knew than I did. But now that it’s people I know in those positions, it’s super fun to go take their classes, and the vibe to me feels much more casual and fun.
One afternoon, we went to the Natick Mall because Amanda wanted to use some Haute Cash at Torrid before it expired. That store is awesome because I can buy tights and boots there that will actually fit my calves! We had awesome shitty Chinese food at the food court and went to Spencer’s and Claire’s, and rounded out our trip with some Starbucks. It was a fun bonding experience, and retail therapy in and of itself is always cool.
I talked with Amanda about how I sometimes feel bad at residency. People are always asking what I’m writing, and I don’t have anything to tell them about. As we talked, I came to the conclusion that my problem is not having a deadline. I let everything slide because no one was directly expecting anything from me, and it’s just turned into a year where I didn’t really produce anything. Amanda had the perfect solution: we will exchange packets with each other. And we will start sending short stories out to magazines. I’m nervous about that last part, but it has to be done. And the more I do it, the less nerve-wracking it will be. I’m also going to exchange packets with Eddie, who reappeared suddenly right before residency started. This should give me the kick in the butt I need to start being productive again.
Graduation was fun, and nostalgic. The three other Fiction girls in my semester were there, one as the Graduate Assistant, one visiting, and one graduating (she took time off to take care of her new baby). It was nice for us all to be together again, especially because the new-ish Mama probably won’t ever be coming back out here.
Amanda and I also made friends with a third semester Creative Non-Fiction student. It was just us and him staying at the hotel, so Amanda and I let him hitch rides with us. He’s a sweet guy. He’s a retired pastor, but he has a great sense of humor and isn’t uptight at all, like I pictured a pastor to be. He told me he watches his grandkids when his kids go to Bonnarroo. I should have been born into that family!
The last Sunday of residency was my two friends’ wedding reception for all their friends out here. Unbeknownst to the Seattle one, the Bird was turning it into a surprise ceremony. I got drafted as Seattle’s Maid of Honor, which meant I had to make sure she brought her vows to the restaurant (where we were using the function room), and make sure she did what she needed to do when she needed to do it. It all turned out beautifully, and I’m so happy for them. I can’t wait until I have the money to go out and visit them. And, of course, Amanda and Hannah as well.
Right before school started, one of my bosses announced that she is resigning and moving back to Cali. All of her family is out there, so it makes sense, but I’m sad to see her go. She was really good at getting us to do what we needed to do without making us feel bad about it, and it earned her a lot of respect. This upcoming Friday is her last day, and it will be a hard day for all of us.
She had told me about an app called Meet Up that she uses, so I downloaded it this week, and it turns out there’s a writer’s group that meets at a pizza place near my work on the last Tuesday of every month. So I signed myself up. We’ll see how it goes, since I think I’m far younger than everyone else in the group. But who knows, it might be super fun.
In other news, I saw Trainwreck with one of my work friends today. It was hilarious and super cute, and we both agreed that we love Bill Hader. I also love that he’s a normal-looking guy who actually has a personality. It’s obviously no secret that Amy Schumer’s character has trouble with monogamy, but it’s nice that the guy she tries it with is a dude you might actually run into in real life, not a Calvin Klein model or Ryan Gosling or anything like that. I like that it’s putting the message out there that normal guys are totally, 100% worth checking out. Because they totally, 100% are.
I just have to remember to breathe in, breathe out, and take things one day at a time.
