Trying to keep things positive...

Pretty sure this is going to happen in my interim classroom.  Also, I definitely did cry on Tuesday after I got told about this stupid new thing.

     So I’ll start with a list of things I’m thankful for, since it’s Thanksgiving and everything.
    - My dad, who spoils me, a lot, and doesn’t ever make me feel like a burden
    - My brother, who always has my back
    - My grad school friends, who “get” writing/reading/all that good stuff
    - My friends from before grad school, who were there for a lot of me growing into my nerdiness
    - My work friends, who get how it is to have the job we have, and keep making me feel like I’m good at it (you’re good at it, too, for the record)
    - My students, who make me feel loved
    - The twin girls and their sister, who treat me like one of them, in a good way
    - All the decisions I made, big or small, that led me to where I am today
    - Nerdy things <3
    - J, who is super chill and also caring, smart, funny, and nerdy

    Work on Tuesday was...bad.  We had our Q360, which is when corporate comes and checks everything out to make sure we’re doing everything we’re supposed to be doing.  Which we are.  That’s not the bad part.  In the afternoon, they had me switch with one of the toddler teachers, so that the director and our person who is basically a district manager for curriculum could talk to me and another toddler teacher.
    Turns out, they hired a second teacher for the younger preschool room.  She has some personal stuff she has to take care of before she can start.  So they’re moving one of the toddler teachers (my exercising co-worker) up to be with the current younger-preschool teacher.  Which means they need a certified teacher for her room, since her co-teacher is uncertified.  That, apparently, would be me.  Even though I don’t want to.  I want to be with my co-teacher, S.  I don’t want to be a float or a teacher in another age group.  I feel like it sounds bratty, but I want a turn to get what I want.  I had thrown it out there that maybe I wanted to be a permanent float, because if you’re going to throw me all over the place, you might as well make it my job and quit pretending you’re going to let me go back where I came from.  I didn’t mean make me a fucking toddler teacher.
    So, why don’t I want to be a toddler teacher?  Well, for starters, the kids are much more mobile, obviously, which makes them harder to corral and keep track of when you’re going outside and stuff.  It’s also a lot harder than you would think to have them all eating and sleeping at the same time.  It’s kind of a shit show to pass out all the lunches and try to get everyone to sleep around the same time.  They also make much bigger messes with the toys.  Not to mention, their curriculum is much more challenging, since they’re that much older and their skills are that much more developed.  There is also a child in the room who is potty training, which I’m not comfortable with, and another child who will only let you change them if they’re standing up, which I’m also not comfortable with.  AND there are three kids who have been known to...use their teeth on friends.  Which I do not feel equipped to handle on an all-day, every-day basis.
    But it doesn’t fucking matter what I want, because I’m just a body.  My director told me that she thinks I have good classroom management skills, but I think it’s a load of crap.  If my classroom management skills are so good, put my back in my age group.  One of the teachers currently in my age group was hired as a float, so why not have her be a float or an interim toddler teacher, and let me be with my kids and my co-teacher?  I can’t figure out what I did, because my evaluation went well, and my director is usually pretty up front about it when people do things she doesn’t like, but I must have done something, because it feels like she has it in for me.
    My interim co-teacher has been really nice, though.  She lives in my town, and I’m going to go over to her house at some point this weekend to talk about curriculum.  This should only be for a few weeks, but I don’t want it to happen at all.  I feel very overwhelmed and ill-equipped to do this.  I don’t really know what I’m doing, which is fine when I’m the caboose for going outside, or I’m playing with half the kids while one of the main teachers in the room does an activity with the other half, but it’s not fine for full-time.  I don’t want to be that co-teacher who just kind of flurps around and makes the other teacher do all the heavy lifting.
    I know this sounds so whiny, but I just...want things to be the way they were before we were short staffed.  I want to be in my room, with S, with our kids.  I feel like I’m being punished, and it’s really bumming me out.