Stuff and Things

Hello Kitty is awesome.  That is all.

    So I’ll start with some stupid news.  Apparently, it is possible for people to want to be into me, but sadly be unable to actually be into me.  Fun times.
    In other news, I’ve been having a tough time lately.  It’s been getting better, but I was quite literally having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and I wasn’t doing much besides going to work and eating.  I’m not sure why this was happening, but I was talking to my co-teacher, S, about it today.  I was telling her that I felt better, and I felt bad because I felt like I made her worry.  I was right, and she’s very relieved that I feel better.  She was worried it was my medication, and I was wondering if the dosage was now off because I’ve lost so much weight.  Now we’re wondering if it’s my hormones being all wonky from going off my old birth control and getting an IUD.
    Speaking of, ouch.  It hurt going in, and it hurt after.  I mean, I didn’t cry or anything, but I kind of yelled, “Ouch!” a few times while they were fiddling down there, and I definitely sort of protectively covered my stomach (which obviously did nothing, since they were inside me, not on top of me).  I ended up taking a nap when I got home, and had my little cramp-easing catnip pouch thing with me, and I ended up going to bed early that night.
    Holy hell, cramps are a terrible thing.  I mean, I thought my period was still bad sometimes with the birth control, but I was wrong.  Again, it was nothing I couldn’t handle, but it was for sure something I could have done without.  It was super pleasant to suddenly feel pain like my uterus was expanding but feel an actual sensation like it was contracting.  It was also nice to feel three little spots in my abdomen bloom with pain periodically.  I don’t know how women go without birth control.
    Back to being sad.  I was feeling like I wasn’t good at work, or being a friend, or writing, or reading, or being an adult, or being attractive, and it was all getting to me.  I hung out with Eddie about a week ago, and we went drinking with his girlfriend.  I was totally ok to drive myself home, but I had fun while we were out.  I don’t know if this incident started me on my upward arc, but I think I did start feeling longer-term better that night.
    So Friday night, I’m chilling and creeping around on Ok Cupid, like ya do.  I’m doing the Quickmatch thing, which from what I understand is what the whole point of Tinder is (swipe left for yuck, swipe right for yum), and when you do Quickmatch on the computer instead of on the app, it shows you a tiny little queue of upcoming matches.  I suddenly see what looks like a tiny version of a profile picture I am familiar with.  I swipe until it comes up, and I was right.  The Drummer has a new profile on Ok Cupid.  He has a new username, which means he really did delete his old profile, which is nice, I guess.  However, his new profile is all lofty and philosophical, and I’m not trying to say The Drummer is crass and stupid or anything like that, but this isn’t the person I dated.  This person sounds like a pretentious douchebag, and the guy who broke my 2 ½ year dry spell was a real, very down-to-earth man.  I had deleted all his pictures from my phone and computer, unfriended his roommate, and when I discovered I had forgotten to unlike his band’s Facebook page, I did that, too.  I was all good and I was moving on, even if people want to me into me but just aren’t.  Then, his picture pops up.  It hurt.  It made me sad, and it peeled the scab on the love I had for him.  I’ve told so many people that I wish I had never met him, and I honestly do.  I know that the butterfly effect is a thing, and who knows what else would be different, but I don’t want someone to have the power to hurt me.  I don’t want these nice memories marred by this choking feeling in my throat, or this nauseous feeling in my stomach.  I want nice memories to stay nice memories, and I think I’ve put up with enough shit from other people to have earned that much.
    Anyway, when I woke up on Saturday, I was still kind of bull shit, so I definitely perused Ok Cupid a bit more aggressively than I may have in the past, and I found myself with a date for Monday night, and another date for some undetermined time this week or this weekend.
    The date last night went well.  He’s 32, lives like 15 minutes away from me, is from Ohio (which is a little freaky, because so is The Drummer), and is a lefty like me (so is The Drummer).  He’s a programmer, he likes anime, and he’s been to Burning Man three times.  We’re hanging out Thursday night so I can finally watch The Princess Bride.  But I still want to see what happens with the other guy.  I mean, I’m not putting too much trust in this guy’s interest in me, since it always happens that guys are super into me at the beginning, and suddenly they’re totally not.  So it’s only a matter of time before neither of these guys are talking to me, is basically what I’m saying.
    In more exciting news, my co-teacher, S, got engaged!  Her fiancé did it on the Jumbotron at a Red Sox game a few weeks back, and he had organized the whole thing himself.  Pretty cool, and sweet.  They’re getting married next fall, funnily enough on the exact day (and I think the exact time) that my ex-co-worker who I hate is getting married.  Poetic justice at its most poetic.
    I also made a conscious effort to get back into the swing of writing-type things this weekend.  I haven’t done any new work, but I finally edited the stuff I got from Amanda and Eddie for Packet 1, and I did send stuff out for Packet 2.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll go through the edits Eddie made to my short story, and of course I’m a lazy butt and still have to go through the edits Von made to the same story. >_< But then I’m going to see if anyone else wants to read it, and after they’ve all put their two cents in, I’m going to start sending it out.
    That was a really weird sentence to type.  But I’ve gotta start doing it, and I’m proud of this story.